Secrets

We all have secrets. I remember a mom of a friend telling me how she overcame depressing thoughts, “I have a little cave that I go into.” Her eyes twinkled and I thought for a moment that she literally meant a cave. A small place she had made in the garden, but no she was explaining about a place in her head. “Whatever is happening, I can always go into my cave.” She said. “It’s a secret place that no one else but me can go. It’s hidden away. It’s my place of comfort.”

I don’t exactly have that. But I do know what she means. We all have our secret ways of coping with life’s struggle—even sometimes life’s tragedies. Prayer, meditation, walking in nature, talking with a confidante, writing a letter, going on a silent retreat…there are many ways that we recover from life’s blows. A friend of mine once visited New Zealand to stay with a friend who was going through a divorce. They went to a spa together and had a restful, healing time. A special secret time in which they shared and rested together. What a wonderful gift from one friend to another.

We all have secrets. Sometimes depression can be a secret. Jonathan Rottenberg, Associate Professor of Psychology, University of South Florida writes in the Huffington Post, “Clinically significant depression affects nearly one of five adults. Its symptoms — whether they be sleepless nights or feelings of worthlessness — are a heavy burden for sufferers and caregivers alike. The burden is heavier because it is born in isolation. In most quarters, depression remains socially toxic, a topic to be concealed from friends, co-workers, even family members.

When we speak of depression it is often in the most hushed of tones.” Rottenberg writes from personal experience about how difficult it is to talk about depression, “it took me nearly 20 years after my severe episode of depression before I could fully tell the world, even my own daughter, what had really happened. It’s hard to imagine this happening for any other major health condition. Would it ever take someone 20 years to disclose a heart attack?”

I have felt the same way about depression; it has felt that I was somehow not very good. A failure. A weak person unable to fathom life’s challenges. Thankfully, depression is coming out of the closet. It doesn’t have the same stigma that it did. I’m not a doctor, but it seems to be a chemical imbalance. Something that can be treated.

Today, let go of your secret. If you are suffering from depression please let someone know. A secret shared is no longer a secret. And secrets can become very tiring. I have found that every time I shared a secret, the person I was sharing it with, had the same kind of secret.

Please note, I am not saying to walk into work and tell everyone your deepest, darkest secret. There is a thing called common sense; but maybe the secret you are holding onto isn’t really worthy of being a secret. Maybe my friend you are not as unusual as you suspect you are. Maybe we are all the same. Maybe we all have secrets and now is the time to share them with a trusted confidante.

And if you are feeling depressed because you don’t have anyone that falls into that category, do not worry; there are therapists abounding that would love to hear from you. I did it—and so can you. My therapist was 83 years old and she was the most wonderful woman in the world. I still love her today—and there are many more like her—trust me, they would love to hear from you. My friend, find a someone and let your secret go!